Fragments

Fragment #2

I started a new series of patched and stitched work this week.

(Always feels good to start a new series!)

The series is called "Fragments" and feature torn bits of the rusted and stained fabrics that I showed in my last post.

I decided to do something a little different, and coat each torn piece in a very thin layer of beeswax. The beeswax gives the bits of fabric a new weight and hand... somewhere in-between fabric and paper.

It also alters the colors, making them a bit richer and at times, almost translucent.

Fragment #1

The bits of torn, wax coated pieces, are then stitched together in a pleasing composition, 

Fragment #3

then stitched onto 140 lb. paper, making them easy to display and frame. 

These were a delight to make, and I hope to get a few more done over the next few days. To see more of Fragments 1, 2 and 3, just click on the links under the photos.

xo

Rust Stains

I recently spent a few days rusting fabric in my backyard. If you have never done this before it's pretty simple, needing only fabric, water, vinegar, some rusty metal objects and plastic bags. 

To start, just pre-soak your fabric in water and vinegar, (1/2 and 1/2 will do) and wrap it around some metal objects that have a bit of rust to them, (it doesn't have to be much rust, as the vinegar and water will quickly grow the rust, so only use objects that you don't care about.) Cover the fabric with a plastic bag and let it sit for awhile. Depending on how the wet fabric and rusty objects react, you can have a rusted piece of fabric generally within 3 to 24 hours. 

Keep an eye on your fabric as if the rust gets too intense, it can be very difficult to sew through. Once you are satisfied, soak the rusted fabric in some salt water, followed by another soak in some water with baking soda added to it... both help to neutralize and stop the rusting process. Afterwards, give the fabric a good washing in some soapy water and rinse well. (I have heard it's ok to do it in the washing machine, but personally, I felt better doing it in an old metal wash tub out in the back yard.) Keep rinsing until the water is clear.

As far as objects go, a rusty pole works fabulously. Just wrap the wet fabric around the pole, tie with some string to secure it and cover it with a plastic garbage bag. The rusty circle above, was the top of the pole!

Another great way is to place the wet fabric on an old metal cookie tray, (one that you don't mind getting rusty) then place some old metal objects on top of the fabric, and another wet piece of fabric on top of that. Slide the tray into a plastic bag, seal shut, and place some heavy objects on top to keep the fabric pieces in close contact with the metal.

For the fabric above, I used an old rusty, metal seahorse ornament that I had hanging on my shed, and some vintage rusty keys, along with some old nails. The wrinkles in the wet fabric, along with the rust formed on the metal tray during the process, helped to create the other organic shapes.

Part of what makes the process so enjoyable is that you never know what you will wind up with. Check out the fabric on the left... I used the seahorse on this piece as well, but unlike the previous fabric sample, this time the rust formed a negative image. 

Oh, and a bit about the fabric... I used several types of fabric, all cotton but of varying weights, from light muslin, (pictured on the left) to quilting weight, (pictured below) to heavier muslin/feedsack weaves, (pictured on the right). I also only used fabrics in a natural color range.

This key shape also came out in a negative form on this sample, while on other samples it came out in the positive... the mystery of the rusting process never fails to amaze!

Above, more organic shapes formed from the wet wrinkled fabric laid on top of the old metal cookie tray. 

Before rusting I tied some of the fabric samples around some sticks and plant matter from my yard and soaked them in a hot tea bath. Those fabric samples turned black and gray in some areas during the rusting process... more mystery! One thing I find comforting is rust won't fade, unlike some other natural dyeing methods that I have tried. (Even with mordant I have had problems). 

As for those blackish areas, only time will.

Pretty, pretty, pretty!

~~~~~~~~

And last but not least... in regards to my last post, a heartfelt thank you on all the positive feedback and support, and for those of you who have had similar experiences and long held fears... you are not alone.

I also want to clear up some confusion that I may have inadvertently caused... in regards to the story about the sketchbook that I was given as a child, I fear, based on some comments, that I may have given some of you the impression that I haven't drawn since then... so far from the truth. I just didn't draw in that sketchbook, and since have had a block with all sketchbooks... thank goodness for loose paper!

In case of any confusion, please know this: The arts were a big deal in my house, and from an early age it was pretty much a given that I was to be an artist of one degree or another. I drew constantly my whole growing up. I went on to art school where I majored in graphic design and illustration. Outwardly, I did very well, inwardly I was a mess of conflict and unhappiness. It took a toll on me and by my early 20's, I lost the bravery that my child self once possessed, and I could no longer take the ingrained self-doubt of not being "good enough" anymore. So, I put away my illustrating dreams and for the most part, stopped drawing. (One of my professors hit the nail on the head when he said that I suffered from the disease of perfectionism, and I can attest to it being a very debilitating disease.)

Now, over the years I have doodled here and there, and have played around with machine and hand-stitched drawings, which I have shared here along the way and can be seen in my flickr sets, (just click on "Gallery" on the top bar of this blog). However, those ghost voices of self doubt and criticism have been so unrelenting that the joy is always soon squashed down, and I give up again. I almost wind up in a fetal position of heartache. It just becomes too much.

My goal this time is to once and for all, overcome the fear, release the feeling that perfection is the goal, and embrace the fun and play that drawing once was and held the promise to always be. It is just not okay that a piece of paper and a pen or pencil can be frightening. I gotta get over this.

Judgement is the scariest monster that ever lived under one's bed.

The good news is, I am drawing, my shell is slowly cracking, and each day more and more light is shining inward. 

(We all know that monsters can't live where light shines.)

xo

Creativity: Letting Go of Not Being Good Enough

I have been feeling very creatively uninspired lately. I am sort of at this dead-end place where I need some new challenges. After giving it some thought, digging inside a bit and asking myself a lot of questions, I keep coming back to the realization that I miss the idea of illustration, something that once was a dream of mine, but I let go due to anxiety over not being good enough.

I know where this anxiety comes from. Someone big in my life while growing up had the unintentional habit of being creatively toxic. This person deemed himself an expert in certain areas of the arts and could be overbearing at times in his passion to set you right. (I say "you" instead of "me" as I wasn't the only one affected).

One of the reasons that the textile arts became so attractive to me was that this area was completely foreign to this person, (who despite his harmful methods, really only meant well) and thus I was left free to explore, and make mistakes without fear of judgement.

Now, this person has been gone for a decade, and I miss him terrible, because the good that this person did in my life far outweighed the bad, and I loved him dearly. However, creativity can be a fragile thing, and the fear of doing it "wrong" can be tough to overcome, especially when it was ingrained into you at such an early age. Even for someone like me, who believes strongly and has been a vocal voice in the right to freely express ones self creatively... I can preach it, but in truth I haven't always been able to take my own advice...not when it comes to certain areas.

But I am 50 now. Damn well old enough to do what I want to do without fear of judgement from myself, from others, or from long ago voices that live as ghosts inside my head. And I have no doubt that this person, bless his soul, looks down on me from Heaven and dearly wants me to allow myself to creatively explore any and everything that interests me, no strings attached.

I am going to start with simple basics. Pencil, pen, sketchbook. Which isn't as easy as it sounds... Sketchbooks are particularly frightening to me, as when I was 10 years old, I received a big beautiful sketchbook for Christmas, with wonderful assorted pencils. I was extremely excited seeing what lie beneath that wrapping paper. But before the paper had even fallen to the floor I was being instructed that I were to only draw serious drawings in such a beautiful sketchbook... no mistakes... no doodles. And even more frightening, I was told that My sketchbook would be checked regularly, to make sure that I was complying. You want to talk about fear! I didn't touch that sketchbook for YEARS! It lay in the bottom of my desk drawer, unopened, until I was sure the giver had forgotten about it. But I was still so frightened at the idea of ruining it, that I never did much in it, and have never been able to keep one, for very long, despite a deep desire to fill volumes.

Okay, so back to the present. As I said, I am going to start with simple basics. Pencil, pen, sketchbook. I have books full of poems and stories and fables to read, and will use any words in those volumes to help spark my imagination. They will be jumping off places. I hope that over the years to come I will finally fulfill that long held wish and fill volumes of sketchbooks with ideas and doodles and "mistakes".  Messes and successes. I hope to find ways of using those sketchbook illustrations as springboards to translate into textile and stitch, as I want to continue growing as a textile artist, as an artist, as a human being.

So what about you? Are you one of those lucky ones who is brave and fearless in all creative pursuits, or do you also have some buried dreams? Maybe you wanted to act, or sing, or dance but gave it up out of fear or other life matters? Anything you want to reconnect with? If so, I invite you to join me. With age comes wisdom, and the wisdom is this... Life is short. Lets not waste another minute being afraid.

Heart's Content

Summer days call for little projects, 

that can be carried around and worked on,

 in the here, and there,  and the in-between of everything else.

 Flowers can bloom...

where ever you find yourself,

 and grow and grow,

to your heart's content!

xo

Feathered Friends

Here are a few feathered friends that have been helping to keep me and my thoughts company...

Cheerful Chartreuse Bird Brooch

Brave Orange Bird Brooch

Happy Blue Bird Brooch

        Silly Yellow Bird Brooch

 Hopeful Pink Bird Brooch

Faithful Blue Bird Brooch

Hopeful Little Lemon Grass Bird Brooch


For more details, just click on the link below each bird.

To see all available brooches in my shop, please click here.